i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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