I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Randomize
