that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
