You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Someone signed my nipple.
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