You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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