were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
