Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
