New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
