the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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