"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
