Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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