THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
