you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
