i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
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