I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
