I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
