haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
