just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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