I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
