Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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