Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
