I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
