We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
