At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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