the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
