We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
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