I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
