You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Is it because I queefed?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I think my nap took me to another dimension
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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