Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
