I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
