I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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