I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
