too bad you live with your parents still
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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