He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I love having hate sex.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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