he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
