If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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