I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
