i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
