Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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