saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
