If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
