Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
