OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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