I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
