She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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