I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
