Is it because I queefed?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
