Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
