i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Boobs are out for the taking
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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