A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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