dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
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